Motherhood

I have become a mother that I did not think I would become.  I thought I would be good at motherhood, a natural if you will.  I thought I would be the kind of mom who would be comfortable leaving her baby with a babysitter and going on a date, or to run errands.  I thought I would be the type of mom who had lots of little baby play groups where the immobile babies stare at each other and the mothers and we chat over coffee.   Coffee.  How I miss coffee.  I thought I would be super mom, breastfeeding until the baby is 2 (don’t judge, it was recommended by my pediatrician), make baby food, and have the world’s cutest baby all while losing the baby weight and keeping up with my hobbies.  I would be the mom who got so much accomplished during naptime it was unreal.  I would be the mom that would go to sleep and leave the baby duties to the world’s most wonderful husband/dad.  I did not think I would be the controlling mom who had to do everything herself.

A typical day at home with the baby lately has been far from these things.  We get up around 3 to eat, then again around 5 or 6, and then for the day between 8 and 9.  I think that is pretty awesome that I can get my baby to sleep until 9 (or 10) most days.  Score one for me!  But no longer sleeping through the night part is not so cool.  We get up around 9 and I get the baby dressed and put on my workout clothes.  Delusional on some days but others just wearing the clothes already is the reason why I do it.  Saving  ten minutes during a 20 minute nap by already being dressed properly is crucial.  I eat breakfast like a good dieter and the baby and I talk while I eat.  Recently she has started rolling all over the carpet while we chat.  After breakfast, she usually tries to chat with the dog who typically ignores her.  Around 10 or 11 depending on when she got up, she is ready for her morning nap.  Even though the naps do not last long in the crib, I try to do it every single naptime.  I know I will not get a big break but eventually she will sleep longer and longer, right?  So we rock and read stories and sing.  I think her favorite song is “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”  After she is asleep, I must make the game time decision-workout, clean, shower, blog, read, knit, stare into space.  Usually in the AM, I try to do housecleaning or workout. Today I choose to blog because I felt like I needed to reflect.  After her nap, which can be 20 minutes to an hour, we get up and play some more.  The toy of interest right now is the ring toy that we all had as kids.  Our child really does not have many toys.  She has two balls, a dragonfly toy with things to play with, the ring toy, a play mat, some teethers, and a musical cube.  She has a swing and exercauser and eventually a jumper.  When she can crawl she has a crawling ball toy.  That is about all she has.  Lately during our play time she is fussy and I think she might be tried of her toys.  I try to rotate them so she thinks she is getting new toys all the time but when you only have ten toys and you have a smart baby, this trick does not work long.  I usually eat lunch around noon and she watches.  She really watches the dog who is watching me.  After lunch, she will play in her exercauser while I put away dishes and fold laundry.  You can only run the dishwasher and dryer at night so this is a pretty standard daily chore.  I am pretty good at keeping on top of this one too!!  After laundry, we play a little more.  Sometimes we sing the wheels on the bus or we do baby curls.  Next, around 1-2 (depending on first nap and wake up time), she is ready for the second nap.  I am usually hopeful this one will be 1-2 hours.  I am usually wrong.  She will nap for two hours if you hold her and some days when she is fussy or in pain from her teeth, I will do this.  During this nap, I try to do the workout that I never got to the first nap and maybe shower.  Sometimes I even have time to sit down and watch the Today Show (it is on live here).  Whenever I can sit, I work on my TWO projects that both need to be complete in the next two weeks and both are delayed because JoAnn’s fabric takes 45+ days to ship to an FPO.   They do not seem to think this is ridiculous at all when I contacted customer service after the first 30 days.  After the second nap, we play some more.  Sometimes, playtime is the baby on the floor with her toys and music with me watching but working.  Sometimes playtime is me playing with the baby doing all sorts of silly things.  Although I am in need of new songs, I have used the ones I know all the words for WAY too much.  We will start prepping dinner during this part of the day.  She usually likes to be in her swing.  I will make her baby food (so far butternut squash and peas, neither impressed her), and talk to her about what I am doing.  She usually talks back and holds her spatula.  By the end of her baby food preparation, she is usually making her grunting which means not that she needs a new diaper but that she is ready for her third nap and that dad is probably on his way home from work.  During this nap, I try to shower because usually I haven’t showered or tidy the house so it doesn’t look like I played all day!  This nap is never long enough for both so usually the shower waits until Matt is home.  After the third nap, we play with daddy for a little bit and finished cooking dinner.  The three of us (four because Lucy sits under the table) sit down to the dinner table.  She spits out her homemade baby food flavor of the day and we enjoy a nice dinner and conversation.  This is usually around 7 because Matt’s job keeps him late.  So after dinner, she stays in her high chair and helps us clean up the kitchen.  My husband does all the dishes while I put away the dinner and pack his lunch and breakfast.  Lately, when we finish cleaning up the kitchen, it is time for Matt to complete his work (taxes, currently) and me to put the baby to bed.  She gets her bath (table to tub!!) every two or three days.  Here the water is so harsh that we usually go longer between baths.  She has started to splash and play a tiny bit during the bath.  We rock and sing and read as she gets sleepy.  Most of the time, we start around 8 and she is asleep by 9.  Does she stay asleep, your guess is as good as mine!!  I think that once the taxes are done and we are completely unpacked/organized in the office, we will be able to sit down together and watch television when she goes to sleep. Unfortunately, all the shows start at 7.  What are we, Arizona??

So that is a typically day. 

Leaving the baby with other people is hard because she will not take a bottle. I know that she will eventually take it before starving but I feel bad for whom ever is kind enough to watch my baby that she potentially screams for several hours because most of the time she is pleasant and lovely to watch. Matt was so kind to be on baby duty the other night so I could get some sleep and she was not as cooperative.  She woke up and would not take the bottle.  Expressed milk is like gold to us because we don’t have lots of stored milk.  I have had a tremendously hard time pumping because of the moving at first, then the manual pump. The problem is improving because I recently got a mechanical pump and now I am able to get more than 1 ounce for 40 minutes of pumping.  I guess now we need to practice taking the bottle.  I am not sure where to leave the baby because the local day care doesn’t have room for babies and will only take them full time.  I have great neighbors who will watch her but I feel like to use their kindness I need to have a real reason to leave her not just to get my hair cut.  As for socializing the baby, I am trying to meet people with babies and I am joining a mother’s workout group.  I am not sure if the people will have them same parenting philosophies I have or the time/desire to have playgroups.

So I am a natural at this motherhood stuff.  My baby and I have a system that works and we love it.  And based on my situation, it is understandable that the baby has no friends and is used to having me do everything.  But, I would like to be able to ask for and accept the help that is offered.  I would like to be able to have a baby who naps for multiple hours in her crib.  And I would like to have some new songs to sing to my baby.  And I would like to have a baby who likes to eat baby food.  But as my husband says, life does not suck.  I have a wonderful, healthy, smart, and beautiful baby.  I am pretty blessed.